Meeting Again

  Hey.  Guess who i met tis afternoon on my way to the library! It was Kathleen, an old middle school friend. haha ha-ha.....well, yeh.  When I saw her going back into her home, I was reluctant to call her out.  I don't know why I did but I did.  I was freaked out, thinkin what the fuck am i doing.  She came out with her little brother.  He was so adorable! I think he was 1 yr and 3 months old.  Well, when i started talking to her, I talked to her about junior year and how was cheerleading.  The conversation was going pretty normal; surprisingly...  Then we got to the topic of her still meeting up with the rest of the gang, christel, kianna, claranork, and clarissa.  Well, she didn't really talk about christel, but she tended to talk more about kianna.  It turns out the so-called BFF broke to pieces.  I mostly wasn't really surprised about that.  Kianna back then would tell me how Kathleen would be like stripper on oovoo or something.  She would talk about kathleen behind her back sometimes but at dat time, she treated kathleen as a best friend, i think.  I guess, the only reason why was because kianna had me to make fun of most of the time; the nice, innocent, loyal girl who was completely ignorant.  I remember, once I started getting out of the picture, she started doing that to Claranork and Clarissa.  And now since, all three of us are outta the picture, she (ding!ding!) chose the unfortunate victim: Kathleen.  Oh well, at least one slave has been rescued.  She clearly and strongly sees the truth of Kianna  But unfortunately, Christel is the only one left in the long ago groupie.  Oh yeh, she also talked bad about christel.  God, bless her soul.  The reason I'm not helping her is because one, i have no substantial connection to her, and second, just like how i was those 3-5 years ago; i didn't believe the shit about kianna which was actually the truth. Just like the crap Kianna had told her that I was talking crap about her, Christel would not believe me on this matter. Ironically, Kianna would also sometime talk crap about Christel. the one i remember was how christel would be clingy and how that was annoying.  Kathleen told me how Kianna was not growin up and still remainin the way she was those very 3 years ago.  She said people would talk crap about her and kianna would just agree with them.  Well, i wasn't really surprised about dat cuz you know of peer pressure tends to make you believe or doubt.  Even a "great friendship" won't stay together or be cracked by mass rumors.  Furthermore, Kianna told Kathleen how she hated everyone and weren't something like true or acceptin but then the nxt day, would treat them as if they were best friends.  But the minute they disagreed with her opinions or didn't listen to her, she would break them off as if they were nothing.  Looks like I was wrong when I thought that she didn't change, but hey she could've I couldn't just one hundred percent believe kathleeen you know: she wuz the same as kianna from what I know. But for some reason, I felt like Kathleen wasn't lying when she asked for my forgiveness about what she and kianna had done to me and others back those very 3 years ago.  When she was explaining about how horrible it was that they've done, she looked as if she wuz on the verge of tears.  I don't know if I'm right, but her apology felt genuine.  When she asked for my forgiveness, it turned out she didn't have to.  To my inner surprise, I realized that I've already forgiven her and kianna from long ago.  I had the notion that I already did but I wasn't too sure about it.  I smiled with utmost sincere and told her not to worry about it that it was in the past; it made me smile that she would continuesly apoligize and say what i did was still wrong.  I never knew that Kathleen had this side towards her.  Heck, I never even knew that I could talk to her like this in a kind of close friendly manner.  It's been 3 years and Kathleen had been the only one who's apoligized.  Christel, Kianna, heck, maybe even the other haven't apologized for the trauma that I've received those 3-5 years ago.  Even though, I figured that I'd been forgived her, it just makes me happy how she acknowleded what she did was wrong and decided to apoligize, considering how I've felt about the matter.  Thinking about it now, I feel kind of grateful to Kianna.  If it wasn't for her, I could probably never talk to kathleen and smile with her like this.  Also, i felt as if kathleen and i had never been friends to each other as if we were just using kianna as an excuse to be together.  Did we truly consider each other as friends or someone who was just there.  I could tell the same notion had occured to Kathleen when she was hesistant and unsure of how to have a conversation with me.  She tried to cover that up though, teehee.  Oh well, I could actually have a new beginning with Kathleen.    What made me feel sad was that kianna had still not changed from the tyranical person she was.  She, just as Kathleen had said, a bipolar two-faced person who would throw out anyone she didn't agree with or need.  In my opinion, furthermore, i deducted that kianna could actually be someone insecure and felt or was scared that she was losing control of the so-called groupie that she was the leader of 3 years ago.  Maybe I'm right.  Maybe I'm wrong.  Kathleen had already apologized to Claranork and now they are talkin more and more often.  Kathleen, howevor, still hates Clarissa: calling her family "crazy" and clarissa's supposedly hateful attitude.  Christel, she barely talked about her but it looked like she didn't want to talk about it; so i let it slide.  Oh yeh, she has a boyfriend who's like 20; he treats her and well.  She broke up with him once because of his age, but they got back together.  She even knows that whenever she breaks up with a boyfriend, she tries to find someone to replace them. --> I already knew that but had kept quiet.  Well, that's all, and we wished the best of life towards each other.  I'm glad that I called her out at that moment; if i didn't, we probably wouldn't have talked about this.  I feel as if a burden has been alleviated and that I'm breathin easier which is wierd.  I don't know I feel different in, lol corny, my heart in a good way. :)

PISSED

im so pissed at mi mother ; right now, im supposed to be on wait for any job opportunities after graduating from a school. i get a chance and guess wth mi own mother does?  She DELETES it.  LIKE WTF?!?!? WOMAN, U PAY AT LEAST 1000 FOR DAT SCHOOLING AND I GET AN OPPORTUNITY AND U JUST DELETE IT?!?!? ARE U F-ING KIDDING ME??!!! I'm just so irritated, so irritated at how retarded she did tis.  I cannot believe tis blasphemy!!!! sigh, how stupid is dis crap!!!! DAMN IT!!!!! not in a good mood, well peace out.