PARENTS, yes, i just give up

omg, tis house is driving me crazy. i'm not even kidding. you know that's it. i give up. i give up. I'M SO SICK OF THINKING THAT'S ITS ALWAYS MI FAULT, I'M SO TIRED. I'M SO TIRED. u no for once, when i look up to mi own mother for help, as usual she dissappoints. she's so dissappointing. when i actually want her to help me so i wouldn't fight with mi brother which she's always mad about. and u no wat she does? SHE FREAKING THROWS A BELT AT ME. WANT ME TO REPEAT IT AGAIN? SHE FREAKIN THROWS A BELT ME!!!!!!! dat's when i noticed, she WOULD NEVER EVER SUPPORT me unless it benefits her...when she and mi older brother gets into fights, i sometimes agree with her cuz she had a point. she orders me around, and pushes her hurt into anger towards other people.  She believes she's never at fault and whenever u try to talk to her, she tells u to shut up or just go fuck urself.  I'm glad that she takes care of me and stuff but sometimes I feel as if she's only doing them so she can just guilt people and because she has no choice but to do it.  I think the only reason I'm wanted here so that they can vent their anger on me whenever they feel like it, and since I really don't do anything to retaliate they use me as a puppet. oh great, now she just came talking.  she told to get the hell out of the house, and as usual she's saying i can't believe this, i cooked for u => look at dat; isnt dat trying to guilt me? LIKE I SAID, I GIVE UP.  I've rarely see her trust me or my big brother.  You know what when I go to college, I'm going to live in the dorm, never see them for vacation NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN.  of course, i'll help support them in anyway I can but NEVER SEE THEM unless they'r mi last option.  GOD, plz make me so smart dat I could be saved. PLZ~ I'M BEGGING U!!!!!!! oh wait, nah forget dat wish sorry.  i don't want to get u involved in this.  I just hope that you can try guide me through my life and wish me the best.  you dont need to do much cuz its my job and responsiblity to decide on mi own.  Thank goodnesss, but i can tell this to my clinton friends.  I mean i havent lied to them but i've only tried to hide it.  Oh fudge, Adelaide was so close to figuring it out, I got scared for a minute there.  She heard my dad scream at my brother and she seemed to figure my family situation like how Kianna found out.  ALMOST BUT I'M SAFE.  I'M SORRY BUT I CANT RISK THAT HAPPENING AGAIN....Oh god, yep, speaking of my dad, he also doesnt ever like to admit he's ever wrong especially when he screams at us.  But he's a little more uh rational...but lol see another but was coming... idk if he's just cold  or he's just trying to be nice in his own way... I remember when i was bullied in middle school, i would always cry just like this, and when i asked him for help once, he told me just to ignore them, it was hard but i did.  and another time, when i was being insulted and i just ignored it, he told me i should said something to defend myself, and then the nxt time, i did dat, he insulted me telling to shut mi mouth.  When I was graduating 280 at the same time as mi big sis was graduating from Bronx Science, there was suppose to a like place to eat to celebrate BOTH GRADUATIONS. but noo, of course as everyone else left beside Christian and I.  I felt so unimportant, and worse as my father was leaving, he just walked by not even bothering to take me along.  I was so much in disbelief.  I felt so dumped to the ground like a piece of shit.  I mean, I know Charlene is impressive and she's so amazing, that she's the first from the 280 to graduate from Bronx Science but the min he did dat felt like a slap in the face.  I mean sure they went to a horrible place to eat but I would've at least appreciated it to go.  Also, at my actual graduation, I was looking for him, I wanted to smile at me with proud, "Thinking yeah people, dats mi DAUGHTER STANDIN ON DAT STAGE WIT DAT AWARD!!!  but i couldn't find him.  at first, i was like well they'r probably to many ppl so probably dat's y. but then at the end, when i saw mi sister, he was just NOT THERE.  I felt so pissed, sad, and greatly dissappointed.  AND OH NO I SEE HIM WHEN WE'RE OUTSIDE AND THE PRECIOUS CEREMY WAS DAMN FINISHED.  I WAS JUST LIKE how dare u? HOW FUCKING DARE U?!?!?  he can act so caring at times but other times he acts lik a cold-hearted bastard.  ALSO, I'M SO CONFUSED I'M SO TIRED OF TRYING TO LIVE UP THEIR EXPECTATIONS even when it would hurt me really deeply.  I try to do anything i could but in the end, i just failed.  AND WAT'S GET ME THE MOST IRRITATED IS DAT THEIR BEHAVIORS ARE FUCKIN CONFUSING. ITS LIKE BITCH, DO U LOVE ME OR HATE ME?!?!? Y THE HELL CANT U JUST TELL ME STRAIGHT OUT?! DONT BE A DAMN BACKSTABBER PLZ!!!!!! and sometimes i think they're only doing the stuff like taking care of me cuz im their daughter, and they really dont wanna ruin their reputation, seing how big damn hypocrites they are. but you know what, EVERYONE IS A HYPOCRITE.