Hello, dang it's been a long time since i typed on this blog. I just have to say though, nowadays Im....not feeling well. Don't worry, it has nothing to do with my health, but with my emotions. For example, yesterday, I have you know mad club. There's this guy name uhhhh well for starters i no it starts with a b. Even though I don't know him that well, he seemed i guess friendly but i had also a feeling, that whenever he thought what he said to me would make me mad, he backed off. I mean, that's ok, but did i do anything dat made him feel uncomfortable. He shouldn't be wary of me. Seriously, what am i? a bomb? and not only him, i had the same feeling from some of the others as well. Especially Jodi. I don't know but geez i no tis is gonna sound stupid/gay but it made me feel really insecure or more likely lonely. i no...its stupid. also, john, from masters, is confusing. Sometimes he acts like we're friends but other times he acts like im just a nobody. and what's even wierder is on the practice test of vogels during vacation earlier, he asked me, "do you still hate guys; me?" hey, idk but shouldn't i be the one asking dat. GEEZ, THESE THOUGHTS ARE ANNOYING ME. damn, i no he dislikes me for hitting him, but to dat extent. wow. i reallly didnt know. also, with my family, i feel like no one takes mi side at all. oh well, there must be a reason why but i just dont know it. Or they're just trying to show me another perspective. am i really dat mean though? i thought being straightforward wuz the best way to go, but now im not so sure. back then, i lied countless of times, and now i talk straightforwardly...im so confused. also, nowadays when i have a problem i try to look at all sides of the story but all perspectives are in conflict with each other, so now i have no idea what to think or do. i swear if it wasnt for anime or music, i would probably be like err...emotional. hey, but at least what's happening now wasnt as bad as middle school. well, hmm my middle school life wasnt bad, other ppl probably had a much worse past than i did so mine is probably normal. actually i think i should be thankful about my middle school life; because of it, i learned not to make the same mistakes, and im more experienced. im not as close to my big brother as before. i think its cuz of what my dad said, "do you think he sees u as a sister?" im trying to not let it bother me, but heh, its really hard. LOL, guess what? I just remembered dat mi mom doesnt want me to keep anymore books. HEHEHEHEHE too bad. AKO DAISUKE ANG LIBROS KO!!! also, with my chemistry teacher, wadhwani, i feel uncomfortable dat she pointed out to moliterno, a counselor, dat i wuz the only one who did a chapter 9 hw. geez, when is dat miracle when i need it. oh well. and she obviously had favorites in the class. I can understand dat whomever asks for her help first should be helped first, but she shouldnt really make her students feel dumb. also, the classmates of mine in dat class, no offense i understand dat they really need help, but i wish dat they'r not the only ones who need dat help so they should be more patient. also, it turns out my opinions can be so conflictual dat its hypocritical. damn, even now im starting to bring doubt in myself. oh yeah, im happy for adelaide, if you remember her. She finally became friends with dat Deveron of stuyvesant. even though dat guy cant seem to make up his mind, im glad dat he wuz there for her after her breakup with dat shitty uhh damn it wat wuz his name...OH MIGUEL! yep, dats the bastard's name. how dare he, treat her like dat!!! oh well, i dont want to tlk bout him no longer ugh. well, see ya!
P.S. I HATE COOKING, well for now ITS SO DAMN HARD TO FRY A FISH. eww mi looks skewered sigh...oh well better luck nxt time, AND IT DOESNT HELP DAT MI BIG SIS keeps on lecturing on mi mistakes. ugh. watever
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