PARENTS, yes, i just give up

omg, tis house is driving me crazy. i'm not even kidding. you know that's it. i give up. i give up. I'M SO SICK OF THINKING THAT'S ITS ALWAYS MI FAULT, I'M SO TIRED. I'M SO TIRED. u no for once, when i look up to mi own mother for help, as usual she dissappoints. she's so dissappointing. when i actually want her to help me so i wouldn't fight with mi brother which she's always mad about. and u no wat she does? SHE FREAKING THROWS A BELT AT ME. WANT ME TO REPEAT IT AGAIN? SHE FREAKIN THROWS A BELT ME!!!!!!! dat's when i noticed, she WOULD NEVER EVER SUPPORT me unless it benefits her...when she and mi older brother gets into fights, i sometimes agree with her cuz she had a point. she orders me around, and pushes her hurt into anger towards other people.  She believes she's never at fault and whenever u try to talk to her, she tells u to shut up or just go fuck urself.  I'm glad that she takes care of me and stuff but sometimes I feel as if she's only doing them so she can just guilt people and because she has no choice but to do it.  I think the only reason I'm wanted here so that they can vent their anger on me whenever they feel like it, and since I really don't do anything to retaliate they use me as a puppet. oh great, now she just came talking.  she told to get the hell out of the house, and as usual she's saying i can't believe this, i cooked for u => look at dat; isnt dat trying to guilt me? LIKE I SAID, I GIVE UP.  I've rarely see her trust me or my big brother.  You know what when I go to college, I'm going to live in the dorm, never see them for vacation NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN.  of course, i'll help support them in anyway I can but NEVER SEE THEM unless they'r mi last option.  GOD, plz make me so smart dat I could be saved. PLZ~ I'M BEGGING U!!!!!!! oh wait, nah forget dat wish sorry.  i don't want to get u involved in this.  I just hope that you can try guide me through my life and wish me the best.  you dont need to do much cuz its my job and responsiblity to decide on mi own.  Thank goodnesss, but i can tell this to my clinton friends.  I mean i havent lied to them but i've only tried to hide it.  Oh fudge, Adelaide was so close to figuring it out, I got scared for a minute there.  She heard my dad scream at my brother and she seemed to figure my family situation like how Kianna found out.  ALMOST BUT I'M SAFE.  I'M SORRY BUT I CANT RISK THAT HAPPENING AGAIN....Oh god, yep, speaking of my dad, he also doesnt ever like to admit he's ever wrong especially when he screams at us.  But he's a little more uh rational...but lol see another but was coming... idk if he's just cold  or he's just trying to be nice in his own way... I remember when i was bullied in middle school, i would always cry just like this, and when i asked him for help once, he told me just to ignore them, it was hard but i did.  and another time, when i was being insulted and i just ignored it, he told me i should said something to defend myself, and then the nxt time, i did dat, he insulted me telling to shut mi mouth.  When I was graduating 280 at the same time as mi big sis was graduating from Bronx Science, there was suppose to a like place to eat to celebrate BOTH GRADUATIONS. but noo, of course as everyone else left beside Christian and I.  I felt so unimportant, and worse as my father was leaving, he just walked by not even bothering to take me along.  I was so much in disbelief.  I felt so dumped to the ground like a piece of shit.  I mean, I know Charlene is impressive and she's so amazing, that she's the first from the 280 to graduate from Bronx Science but the min he did dat felt like a slap in the face.  I mean sure they went to a horrible place to eat but I would've at least appreciated it to go.  Also, at my actual graduation, I was looking for him, I wanted to smile at me with proud, "Thinking yeah people, dats mi DAUGHTER STANDIN ON DAT STAGE WIT DAT AWARD!!!  but i couldn't find him.  at first, i was like well they'r probably to many ppl so probably dat's y. but then at the end, when i saw mi sister, he was just NOT THERE.  I felt so pissed, sad, and greatly dissappointed.  AND OH NO I SEE HIM WHEN WE'RE OUTSIDE AND THE PRECIOUS CEREMY WAS DAMN FINISHED.  I WAS JUST LIKE how dare u? HOW FUCKING DARE U?!?!?  he can act so caring at times but other times he acts lik a cold-hearted bastard.  ALSO, I'M SO CONFUSED I'M SO TIRED OF TRYING TO LIVE UP THEIR EXPECTATIONS even when it would hurt me really deeply.  I try to do anything i could but in the end, i just failed.  AND WAT'S GET ME THE MOST IRRITATED IS DAT THEIR BEHAVIORS ARE FUCKIN CONFUSING. ITS LIKE BITCH, DO U LOVE ME OR HATE ME?!?!? Y THE HELL CANT U JUST TELL ME STRAIGHT OUT?! DONT BE A DAMN BACKSTABBER PLZ!!!!!! and sometimes i think they're only doing the stuff like taking care of me cuz im their daughter, and they really dont wanna ruin their reputation, seing how big damn hypocrites they are. but you know what, EVERYONE IS A HYPOCRITE.

DRAMA FIASCO

OMG, i SWEAR, mi new fiasco or temp. hobby or watever its called. IM JUST SOO FALLIN IN LUV WITH DRAMAS!!!! especially the korean ones <3

imma put a list of wat i like:

- Hana Yori Dango (japanese)
- Liar Game (japanese)
- Protect the Boss (korean)
- Binondo Girl (Filipino)
- Me Too, Flower! (Korean)
- Wild Romance (Korean)
- K POP The Ultimate Audition (Korean)
- Flower Boy Next Door (not finished) (Korean)
- God of Study (not finished)
-Delightful Girl Choon-Hyang (not finished)
- Hello my teacher
-her legend?
-Creating destiny?
-Dream sbs?
-five fingers?
-heartless city?
-hong gil dong?
-hooray for love?

UP TO J DRAMANET
imma be putting up more later, so i could come back to see the ones i just ABSOLUTELY LUV!  nothing, really happened today in school, yawn just tired see yah!

M.A.D. Club and others

OMG, MI DAY WUZ PRETTY GOOD TODAY.  Today wuz the M.A.D. club and it stood for music, anime, and drama! FINALLY, IM SOOO HAPPY DAT I COULD CRY...but bad news, imma have to give up on the United Nations program.  Larissa asked me if i could replace Shahana but i dont think i can anymore.  The U.N. and the M.A.D. club are on the same dayyy ;'( imma convince andrew if he could replace me.  and another semi bad and semi good news, MARI AND Hirra were there!!!!! also, ngoc, faith, shahana, lady, and the others <3 well, the kinda bad news is john was there.  i mean its not lik i hate him or anything but i just don't no how to act around him.  we used to be i guess close, but then we just lik became strangers...and also, i remember in one of mi converstions with him, i wuz so stupid, even though i kept on hitting or like playfightin with him, i didnt notice dat he wuz actually hurt.  u no, i'll just keep my distance.  its not like i can change mi personality, im afraid dat if we become close again, and personally i dont wanna hurt him physically and emotionally again. oh well, wat harm can be done?! im just gonna meet with him and the others for a day per week. so im just gonna be on friendly terms yet cautious ok? IKE IKE GO GO, IKE IKE YES YES! man, i love dat cheer.  i decided to do all three cuz i like all of them <3 oh nah, but his friend is funni though, i found it funni when he said hentai, and then playfully threw a tanthrum xDD.  and yeh! mark is gonna join! yessssshhhhhhh, i get to get back at him hehehhehehe also, we'll get to do fun stuff every week, I SO CANT WAIT! eheh, i lost mi I.D. sighhhh again.  no, but nxt time imma put it in mi wallet! tell me ngoc found it on the librari table after i spent  $3 on a new one, UGHHHHH. DO U NOW HOW MUCH CHIPS I COULD BUY WIT DAT $ ARGGGGGGG.  i dont no y but sometimes nowadays i feel so tired, DAMNNNNN I NEED TO START SLEEPIN EARLY. oh yeh, imm soo happi but i got a trophy for bowling and I REACHED MI GOAL OF 100 POINTS! AWWWW YAHHHHHH!!! and then we had a pizza party and took soooo many pics and well dat's it! SEEE YAH!!!

Aunt visiting

uwahhhh!!! im sooo tired. and blast! mi mother made me clean the kitchen not i keep on sneezing..;'( mi mom wanted us to clean up the apartment so that it would "impress" my auntie Juliana.  also, she bought all these fancy stuff for like bathrooms...geez she told me she wants to look rich.  yep, ther fancy but kinda useless...oh well.  right now, im watchin tis korean drama called Wild Romance. its soooo FUNNI AT THE BEGINNING, but now its so sad.  the main character who i thought wuz a conceited jerk, actually a sad past...i wuz totally cryin. right now, im supposed to be doin mi hw, but i feel lazy. oh welll, wat ev.  ITS SO BORING!!!!! man, if it wasn't for the work, i would totally luv clinton. welll ja-neh! hehehhehe peace!

quick summary and what happend today ;)

                      hehehehehe, im soooo happyy!!!! tell me how i wuz reading through one of mi old diaries and i just kept on laughing.  oh yeh, even though im lik a day l8t HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!!! nah, but im kinda dissappointed tis yr, tita josophine made a dinner dat wuz iight.  the only thing i actually liked wuz her ham with pinapples.  I WUZ SOOOO JEALOUS WHEN I SAW MI AUNTIE LOIDA'S DINNER!!! she had gravy, mashed potatoes, rice and cheese cupcakes, turkey and A LOT MORE.  dang it, so when her dinner is great, wer not ther! oh yeh, heh its been a loong time since i typed or wrote mi feelings lik tis. so i'll back track a summary, i used to be weak, a coward, a gullible idiot who would believ any stupid thing.  mi so-called friends would make fun of me, mi clothes all the way to mi breath.  i wuz accused never wuz i believed by anyone.  SO to put it short, a dumbass but smart and hardworkin in academics.  now, i'm still similar. LOL, still hav a noncaring fashion sense, but a straightforward secretive idiot acting tall laidback highschooler.  i don't carelessly give away mi secrets to anyone lik b4 hah!  i dont treat kianna like the freaking queen of the world, the top girl.  in fact, i barely even tlk to her anymor.  a pity, that christel, kathleen still treat her as she's all dat.  well, i gotta admit~she did get nicer.  but too late.  i split from their clinque since the middle of 8th grade.  i got sick of the b.s. and made other friends. now im in clinton, WHICH IS SUCH AN AWESOME SCHOOL!!!!!! i swear mi classmates are soo entertainin, imma try not to get mad, lmao, still cant whisper, and direct to the point and DRAMATIC <3 .  oh yeh, i found friends who treat me right and are just too HILARIOUS. Ngoc- lik the old me but is liked by everyone, LOTS OF ADMIRERS, never bullied, LUVS KOREAN DRAMAS<3 from wat i no.  Faith-lol, dirtyminded, casual, well-liked, mi fake mother, and she influenced me, and YEH LUVS ANIME, and is currently in love with her sempai Rising, i no wierd name, and they LOVE EACH OTHER, but he busy so no relationship. sadly... Adelaide- nickname-Addy, THER FINALLY I SPELLED IT RIGHT cuz i would always spell it as Ade,  sweet, nice, compares herself to others, maybe a lil judgemental, pretty, EASILY FALLS IN LOVE WITH GUYS especially the cute guyanese and bengali types, has a hurtful mysterious past which haunts her but i dont wanna pry into it, cuz im also doing the same thing, seems to be cautious towards her friends,acquatences in her church, and heh short but curvy. oh yeh, i dated azizar, well im not sure if i could really could count dat as a relationship, CUZ first he said, it wuz just a fling, and second, he never told me he loved me, third, we never asked each other out.  it does kinda piss me off when he called it a fling after these two years in highschool of not seeing him cuz it took me all mi courage to confess mi luv to him especially when i didnt believ in love, but hey i shouldn't be talking. i dumped him in like two days cuz first, i had a crush on someone els, two it would be logical cuz it wuz 8th grade and i dont want him to be tied down to me and it would easier for us to seperate if we didnt hav dat much memories, and four, because of mi mother and five, he had a wife, i dont want them to seperate especially since his wife deeply loved him and six, he said he wuz a player and i hate dating players cuz they troublesome.  ever since we "split", i had stopped liking him but feel cautious and guilty and nervous cuz i hurt him from mi perspective.  also, wierdly, i havent liked anyone for these past two years, not a single crush even though ther were many cute guys but just not as interesting at crush level.  but at least keepin mi promise with mi mom to not get a boyfriend in highschool has been easy.  I HATE BREAKING PROMISES. oh yeh, i guess i dont feel guilty and nervous around him anymore! he wasnt sad or angry, in fact from what mi friends said, he stared at Ngoc, and said that she was prettier <3 and he then wuz hitting on Addy through fb from what she told me;) so basically i wuz worryin for nothin!  also, i wuz hangin out with Addy in manhattan chinatown, and we had bubble tea, i had the lychee milk tea in chatime, and we ate a dish together, talkin about her ex-crush who'S a masochist and got dumped by his asian gf and HAS AN OBSSESION BOUT ASIAN which is kinda creepy and flattering.  and how he tryin to win her back after using her.  DAT IDIOT CALLED ME CUTE EVEN AFTER I RUINED HIM, WAT A DUMB IDIOT.  oh yeh, and then we just walked everywher to sightsee and we came across a shop where all bout spirituality and gems and amulets.  when we walked in, there wuz so many pretty stuff but one soon caught mi eye.  its wierd but its lik it wuz calling out to me?  it certainly wasn't eye-catchin, it wuz just a black small tusk on a chain necklace.  it wasn't even the type of necklace i would wear or lik to wear but i just kept on getting a weird feelin from it as if I HAVE TO BUY IT. it wasnt even dat cute, just plain black color....so i asked Addy if she could buy it, idk if im goin crazy but it wuz just so wierd dat the feeling wuz still there and grew stronger when i wore it?  and at the subway when Ade swiped her metrocard , on the black screen, i think i was lik a foreign language lik korean or somethin in green.  OK , DATS IT, IM CRAZY. mayb i wuz just seeing things, idk.  its just really confusing....why out of all the necklaces did that exact necklace attract mi interest and give me tis strange feeling???  i dont even wear stuff lik it! geez, is tis lik dayjavu?  idk. well see yah!

You know i found tis really cute!!!!  tis is mi sister's by the way. so i wuz just curious to see wats mi prediction!!  and sadly couldnt post it here...;'(  hey, u cant blame a girl to  dream <3 >_<

Moma SPECIAL EVENT

omg!!!!! i luv tis event, tell me how mi brother invited me & the rest to the tis event of tis well-known museum, called MOMA.  it's such an amazing museum, but what a pity that we could only xplore one part. Which is where they'r havin the party at.  My brother is part of its special programs called the Woodshop. THER WORK WUZ AMAZIN!!!!!<3 mi brother and 19 others built tis canoe out of Central Park's branches, AND IT FLOATED IN THE LAKE OF CENTRAL PARK!!!!!  when i first saw it, i desperatly wanted to ride on it!!!  mi brother, on his own, built a miniature ship-i wuz surprised and reaalyy luved his work. hehehehehe, see i hav good taste in art, cuz many others tlked and complimented it as well. I SO BADLY WANTED TO YELL OUT, "I'M THE SIS OF THE GY WHO MADE TIS!!!" well, it would b embarissin to yell out loud, especially to mi brother, so i held it in.  i felt so dang proud though.  Then i saw that they made GO-KARTS!!!! i really liked them, and then remembered how me and mi brother would race each other on track to see who wuz better.  sadly,,,,it wuz A TIE. also, tell me how students from another workshop created tis big box tat when u close door, the lights would turn off and the sound from a horror movie would sound on.  When u sat down, dats when it made the sound.  WHAT REALLY SUCKED WUZ I DIDNT EVEN LAST A SEC. tat wuz soooo embarissing ....  Then me, mi two brothers and i played NINJA!!!!!!! WIT HIS FRIENDS DUH!  it wuz so fun, in the first game i played, i didnt even last 5 min.  i no it seems lik i suck, ok ?  then the second game i played, i wuz...*drumroll plz*~ ~ ~ ~ A FINALIST!!!! now i didnt win, but from mi opinion,
tats a h-u-g-e improvement. LIKE A BOSS! then we finally had to go which made me sad. but then WE WENT TO TIS PLACE CALLED JOLLY BEE!  it wuz to congratulate mi bro here, and we ate chicken, and rice..wit gravy.  the chicken tasted great but it still didnt beat Popeyes.  oh well, what fast-food resturant can beat popeyes when it comes to the dang chicken?  then we went home, dad scared the pudding outta me, and we waited mom outside cuz of her paranoia. and whil we were waiting-of cours 2 of mi bros played
NINJA!