Feelings recently of 2/23/13

                 Hello, dang it's been a long time since i typed on this blog.  I just have to say though, nowadays Im....not feeling well.  Don't worry, it has nothing to do with my health, but with my emotions.  For example, yesterday, I have you know mad club.  There's this guy name uhhhh well for starters i no it starts with a b.  Even though I don't know him that well, he seemed i guess friendly but i had also a feeling, that whenever he thought what he said to me would make me mad, he backed off.  I mean, that's ok, but did i do anything dat made him feel uncomfortable.  He shouldn't be wary of me.  Seriously, what am i? a bomb?  and not only him, i had the same feeling from some of the others as well.  Especially Jodi.  I don't know but geez i no tis is gonna sound stupid/gay but it made me feel really insecure or more likely lonely.  i no...its stupid.  also, john, from masters, is confusing.  Sometimes he acts like we're friends but other times he acts like im just a nobody.  and what's even wierder is on the practice test of vogels during vacation earlier, he asked me, "do you still hate guys; me?"  hey, idk but shouldn't i be the one asking dat.  GEEZ, THESE THOUGHTS ARE ANNOYING ME.  damn, i no he dislikes me for hitting him, but to dat extent.  wow. i reallly didnt know.  also, with my family, i feel like no one takes mi side at all.  oh well, there must be a reason why but i just dont know it. Or they're just trying to show me another perspective.  am i really dat mean though?  i thought being straightforward wuz the best way to go, but now im not so sure.  back then, i lied countless of times, and now i talk straightforwardly...im so confused.  also, nowadays when i have a problem i try to look at all sides of the story but all perspectives are in conflict with each other, so now i have no idea what to think or do.  i swear if it wasnt for anime or music, i would probably be like err...emotional.  hey, but at least what's happening now wasnt as bad as middle school.  well, hmm my middle school life wasnt bad, other ppl probably had a much worse past than i did so mine is probably normal.  actually i think i should be thankful about my middle school life; because of it, i learned not to make the same mistakes, and im more experienced.   im not as close to my big brother as before.  i think its cuz of what my dad said, "do you think he sees u as a sister?"  im trying to not let it bother me, but heh, its really hard.  LOL, guess what? I just remembered dat mi mom doesnt want me to keep anymore books. HEHEHEHEHE too bad.  AKO DAISUKE ANG LIBROS KO!!!  also, with my chemistry teacher, wadhwani, i feel uncomfortable dat she pointed out to moliterno, a counselor, dat i wuz the only one who did a chapter 9 hw.  geez, when is dat miracle when i need it. oh well. and she obviously had favorites in the class.  I can understand dat whomever asks for her help first should be helped first, but she shouldnt really make her students feel dumb.  also, the classmates of mine in dat class, no offense i understand dat they really need help, but i wish dat they'r not the only ones who need dat help so they should be more patient. also, it turns out my opinions can be so conflictual dat its hypocritical.  damn, even now im starting to bring doubt in myself.  oh yeah, im happy for adelaide, if you remember her.  She finally became friends with dat Deveron of stuyvesant.  even though dat guy cant seem to make up his mind, im glad dat he wuz there for her after her breakup with dat shitty uhh damn it wat wuz his name...OH MIGUEL! yep, dats the bastard's name. how dare he, treat her like dat!!! oh well, i dont want to tlk bout him no longer ugh. well, see ya!

P.S. I HATE COOKING, well for now ITS SO DAMN HARD TO FRY A FISH. eww mi looks skewered sigh...oh well better luck nxt time, AND IT DOESNT HELP DAT MI BIG SIS keeps on lecturing on mi mistakes. ugh. watever

ANIMATION

Websites:
http://animeusa.org/

OH MY GOD, JUST FINISHED WATCHING SUCH A GREAT ACTION-PACKED ANIME!!!! its name is katekyo reborn ;') even though in the beginning, funny but plot sucks AND IT TAKE 30 DAMN EPISODES TO GET TO THE ACTION PART...it wuz funny a lot and IS HIGHLY RECOMMENDED. but the only problem is sigh...they should of have cut to the action faster oh well. oh hey, i'd gotten an idea, imma put watever anime i see here dat i really daisuke!  well, here it goes <3

Problem Children Are coming from another world, arent they? = fantasy, games, comedy, slightly erotic
Bedamon = toys, adventure, a child raised by cats is competting in machine competitions, comedy, action.
Nobunaga The Fool = mecha, west and east, good looking, supernatural, humor, fighting, spells and magic
Code Lyoko = monsters, transformers, school, action, computer
Medaka Box Abnormal = a sequel to Medaka Box with a lot more action.  Genre = abnormals, martial arts, supernatural in school
Medaka Box = a super-powered freshman who is also student council prez and goes off to fix the requests of the "MESSAGE BOX".  Genre = comedy, wierdness, action
Blood Lad = a vampire territory lord who tries to bring back a ghost humanity but he may be in love with her, comedy, action, fantasy, underworld
Danganronpa = new freshmen are tricked into entering an "elite school", when captured a sadistic bear as principal won't release them ever until one kills and gets away with it.  Only one person can leave.  Suspense, mystery, tragedy, trapped, wierd bear (EP 7)
Genei wo Kakeru Taiyou = tarot cards, super powers, villain = a boy who can change identities, beating demon cards but the only way is to kill the person possessed, comedy, action, sad a lil too (EP 7)
Free! = swimming, competitions, hot guys, school, sports, comedy, lost friend (EP 6)
Tonari no Kaibutsu-kun = an indifferent studious girl who has to deal with a seemly delinquent who's had a hard past, comedy, shoujo
Kobato = a girl who needs to fill a bottle of "candy" by healing broken hearts and is accompanied by a nice but easily tempered demon whose punishment is being a stuffed animal, works in nursery for a while and the place in under a huge debt, healing hearts, comedy, tear-jerking,  romance
Avatar = one hero who's been long gone came back from ice - power of 5 elements, goes on a journey to save the world, fighting fire nation, action, comedy, powers, nature
Magi = magic, powers, lil boy- great reincarnation, main character fighting other great magi, like indian, comedy, action, slight drama, fantasy
Samurai Champloo = girl looking for samurai of sunflowers, comedy, two great assisant samurai, action, samurai, tokugawa period, bit of romance, action
Kenichi: The Mightiest Disciple = comedy, martial arts, main character = wimp to strong, romance, five sadistic masters, action
Black Rock Shooter = Short, Action, 2 dimension, drama
Mondaiji-tachi ga Isekai kara Kuru Sou Desu yo?: Fantasy, cute bunny strong main character, games-competition, powers, romantic, adventure, comedy, unfortunately short
Kiba: supernatural,,and well (INCOMPLETE) i couldnt watch dat much so yep.
Dragon Ball: (also has more evolved seasons)= Adventure, Wishes, Comedy, Slight Romance, Action
YuYu Hakusho: (Action, Supernatural, Lil Romance, Comedy)
Fate Zero: ( prelude Fate Stay Night)= LOTS of Action, Comedy, Religious Vary War, Historical-Modern,
Romance
Wallflower: Comedy, Romance, about a scary daughter of a horror fanatic boyish rich girl is haunted with rejection, and is now surrounded by many cute guys who are tryin to beautify her into a lady; she tries to escape. (INCOMPLETE)
Kiriran Revolution (INCOMPLETE)
Fate Stay Night: Action, More Comedy, Religous War, Historical-Modern Romance
Katekyo Hitman Reborn =Action, Comedy, a boy who's trained to become mafia boss, powers, baby=teacher, first 30 ep is random, no story line but watch it so you would understand the storyline
Shaman King= Action, lazy yet wise guy who's on a journey to be shaman king, ghosts, supernatural, comedy
Hunter X Hunter=Action, Adventure, Comedy
Prince of Tennis=Action, Sports, slight comedy
Avatar the Last Airbender=Action, Adventure, Comedy, Romance
Yu Yu Hakusho=Action, Supernatural, Comedy
Angel Beats=(good song by the way) Action, Comedy
Inuyasha=Action, Supernatural, Comedy, Historical-Modern, Romance
Vampire Knight= Supernatural, Drama, Romance, Action
Full Metal Alchemist & Full Metal Alchemist Brotherhood=Action, Comedy, Slight Romance
Naruto=Comedy, Action, Slight Romance Historical, Drama, Ninja
Naruto Shippuden= follows Naruto, but less comedy than original, but WAY more action-packed
Bleach=Action-packed, Comedy, Supernatural, Death Reapers
One Piece= Action-packed, Comedy, Adventure, Pirates
Fairy Tail=Action, Comedy, i kinda consider it medieval, Powerful Guilds
Death Note=Action, Mystery, Competion between two geniouses, kinda comedy, Suspense, Supernatural
Code Geass=Action, Technology, School Life, slight Romance, Rebellion(also, good song)
Munto:(actually a movie)= Supernatural, Romance, Action, Alien guy trying to look for solution how to save his world and fall in love with human girl
Marchen Awaken Romance(MAR): its not really a romance, but a young imaginitive boy who gets into these awesome battle with a dice roll game. his team v.s. THE CHESS PIECES.
Manjin Tantei Nougami Neuro= Mystery, Tragedy, main eat-a-holic girl is forced to become a detective cuz of demon who eats mysteries, comedy
Shinrei Tantei Yakumo= a lazy sarcastic college student detective, one eye is normal while the other can see and speak with ghosts, mystery, supernatural, comedy, romance
Black Butler (Kuroshitsuji) = a young boy loses family, revenge, demon is his contract while boy is master, mystery, comedy, action
Black Butler II (Kuroshitsuji II) = sequal to Black Butler, comedy, action, tragedy, a rivalry
Hikaru no Go: ghost, inspiring, shogi
Yu-Gi-Oh= (there are also other series related) Cards, Action, Comedy, Split-Personality main character, Adventure, Egyptian-related
Kuroko No Basuke= Sports, Basketball, very inspiring, School, Extreme Competition, Comedy
Prince of Tennis= Sports, Sarcasm, Tennis Prodigy, Makes Tennis so AWESOME, Interesting, Extreme Competition, Comedy
Hakushaku to Yousei-in other words,-EARL & FAIRY: romance, supernatural, romance, maincharacter is a fairy doctor and then a hot criminal needs her help.
Sugar Sugar Rune: Supernatural, Competition between two girls to become Queen, Cute, Romance
Sailor Moon: (has more seasons related) Romance, Superpowers, Comedy, Pretty girly, main character needs to save the world.
Full Moon Wo Sagashite= Romance, Supernatural, main charactor-singer, but she has a health problem
Vampire Knight(has a second season)= vampires, supernatural, romance, comedy
Mamotte Lollipop=Supernatural, Romance, Competition, Cheery, Adorable, Comedy
Gakuen Alice= Supernatural, Really cute bishounen, isolated talents of school, comedy, romance
Kodomo No Omocha= Romance, Tough but cute to get guy, dramatic cute superstar main girl, Comedy
Kamichama Karin=Romance, Bishounen, Comedy, Supernatural about greek gods,(think also has a 2nd season!!!
Kaichou Wa Maid-Sama=Shoujo, Hot conceited guy like headstrong boyhater president (MANGA FINISHED)
CardCaptor Sakura= Shoujo, Supernatural, Collection of cards
Lovely Complex=Shoujo, Comedy, Main Character comedy duo
Yamato Nadeshiko Shichi Henge=Comedy-slight barely horror, Shoujo
Skip Beat=Romance, Comedy, Showbiz, Revenge
Special A= Shoujo, Comedy, Rivalry
Fruits Basket=Shoujo, Romance, Supernatural, Zodiac Curse
Kare Kano: a girl who puts up a pretense, wanting to show herself as an effortless nice girl, while actually the opposite; competes against a guy rival. Romance, Comedy, School Life
Ouran High School Host Club= Shoujo, really Comedy, rich people with only one poor person(good song)
Kaze No Stigma= Action, Really cute romance but little, Supernatural, Conceited guy and girl
Kamikaze Kaitou Jeanne= Thieves, Romance, Unknown Rival whos a love interest, Supernatural, Comedy
Danganronpa = a group of kids who are trapped into a bloody game of mystery and murder by an ominous weird evil bear; don't worri not dat bloody, mystery, murder, suspense

WAITING LIST:

baccano!!!

btoom!!!

phi brain: kami no puzzle

air gear

the severing crime edge

bungou stray dogs

sunday without god

umineko: when they cry

black lagoon

suisei no gargantia

07 GHOST

joker game

zettai karen children

darker than black

kabaneri of the iron fortress

Detective Loki

Chihayafuru

Durarara!!: gang

Getbackers

Seven Deadly Sins

Grandchild of Nurarihyon

Otome Youkai Zakuro: comedy romance supernatural alliance btw demons and humans

Nodame Cantabile: Romance, comedy, main character: arrogant musician

Nabari no Ou: ninja, main character=devious

Rave Master: adventure, same author as fairytale, 

Mawaru Penguin Drum: Action, comedy, mystery, romance

Noir: mystery, girl with guns

Phi Brain: Kami no Puzzle: puzzle game, suspense

Kurokami: shounen, action, a battle beginin wit a human boy and a super power girl, romance

Puchi Puri Yuushi: adventure, romance, a 17 year old stuck in a 10 yr old body, princess

Kyo Kara Maoh: historical, action, maoh

Guilty Crown : from the directors of Deathnote http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=myNN5gadASQ

Future Diary : like Deathnote, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pvC9cRAyJX8

Pretty Rhythm Aurara Dream

Uchouten Kazoku = http://www.goodanime.net/category/uchouten-kazoku

Fate Kaleid liner prisma IIIya = http://www.goodanime.net/category/fate-kaleid-liner-prisma-illya

No game no life

The irregular at magic high school

PARENTS, yes, i just give up

omg, tis house is driving me crazy. i'm not even kidding. you know that's it. i give up. i give up. I'M SO SICK OF THINKING THAT'S ITS ALWAYS MI FAULT, I'M SO TIRED. I'M SO TIRED. u no for once, when i look up to mi own mother for help, as usual she dissappoints. she's so dissappointing. when i actually want her to help me so i wouldn't fight with mi brother which she's always mad about. and u no wat she does? SHE FREAKING THROWS A BELT AT ME. WANT ME TO REPEAT IT AGAIN? SHE FREAKIN THROWS A BELT ME!!!!!!! dat's when i noticed, she WOULD NEVER EVER SUPPORT me unless it benefits her...when she and mi older brother gets into fights, i sometimes agree with her cuz she had a point. she orders me around, and pushes her hurt into anger towards other people.  She believes she's never at fault and whenever u try to talk to her, she tells u to shut up or just go fuck urself.  I'm glad that she takes care of me and stuff but sometimes I feel as if she's only doing them so she can just guilt people and because she has no choice but to do it.  I think the only reason I'm wanted here so that they can vent their anger on me whenever they feel like it, and since I really don't do anything to retaliate they use me as a puppet. oh great, now she just came talking.  she told to get the hell out of the house, and as usual she's saying i can't believe this, i cooked for u => look at dat; isnt dat trying to guilt me? LIKE I SAID, I GIVE UP.  I've rarely see her trust me or my big brother.  You know what when I go to college, I'm going to live in the dorm, never see them for vacation NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN.  of course, i'll help support them in anyway I can but NEVER SEE THEM unless they'r mi last option.  GOD, plz make me so smart dat I could be saved. PLZ~ I'M BEGGING U!!!!!!! oh wait, nah forget dat wish sorry.  i don't want to get u involved in this.  I just hope that you can try guide me through my life and wish me the best.  you dont need to do much cuz its my job and responsiblity to decide on mi own.  Thank goodnesss, but i can tell this to my clinton friends.  I mean i havent lied to them but i've only tried to hide it.  Oh fudge, Adelaide was so close to figuring it out, I got scared for a minute there.  She heard my dad scream at my brother and she seemed to figure my family situation like how Kianna found out.  ALMOST BUT I'M SAFE.  I'M SORRY BUT I CANT RISK THAT HAPPENING AGAIN....Oh god, yep, speaking of my dad, he also doesnt ever like to admit he's ever wrong especially when he screams at us.  But he's a little more uh rational...but lol see another but was coming... idk if he's just cold  or he's just trying to be nice in his own way... I remember when i was bullied in middle school, i would always cry just like this, and when i asked him for help once, he told me just to ignore them, it was hard but i did.  and another time, when i was being insulted and i just ignored it, he told me i should said something to defend myself, and then the nxt time, i did dat, he insulted me telling to shut mi mouth.  When I was graduating 280 at the same time as mi big sis was graduating from Bronx Science, there was suppose to a like place to eat to celebrate BOTH GRADUATIONS. but noo, of course as everyone else left beside Christian and I.  I felt so unimportant, and worse as my father was leaving, he just walked by not even bothering to take me along.  I was so much in disbelief.  I felt so dumped to the ground like a piece of shit.  I mean, I know Charlene is impressive and she's so amazing, that she's the first from the 280 to graduate from Bronx Science but the min he did dat felt like a slap in the face.  I mean sure they went to a horrible place to eat but I would've at least appreciated it to go.  Also, at my actual graduation, I was looking for him, I wanted to smile at me with proud, "Thinking yeah people, dats mi DAUGHTER STANDIN ON DAT STAGE WIT DAT AWARD!!!  but i couldn't find him.  at first, i was like well they'r probably to many ppl so probably dat's y. but then at the end, when i saw mi sister, he was just NOT THERE.  I felt so pissed, sad, and greatly dissappointed.  AND OH NO I SEE HIM WHEN WE'RE OUTSIDE AND THE PRECIOUS CEREMY WAS DAMN FINISHED.  I WAS JUST LIKE how dare u? HOW FUCKING DARE U?!?!?  he can act so caring at times but other times he acts lik a cold-hearted bastard.  ALSO, I'M SO CONFUSED I'M SO TIRED OF TRYING TO LIVE UP THEIR EXPECTATIONS even when it would hurt me really deeply.  I try to do anything i could but in the end, i just failed.  AND WAT'S GET ME THE MOST IRRITATED IS DAT THEIR BEHAVIORS ARE FUCKIN CONFUSING. ITS LIKE BITCH, DO U LOVE ME OR HATE ME?!?!? Y THE HELL CANT U JUST TELL ME STRAIGHT OUT?! DONT BE A DAMN BACKSTABBER PLZ!!!!!! and sometimes i think they're only doing the stuff like taking care of me cuz im their daughter, and they really dont wanna ruin their reputation, seing how big damn hypocrites they are. but you know what, EVERYONE IS A HYPOCRITE.

DRAMA FIASCO

OMG, i SWEAR, mi new fiasco or temp. hobby or watever its called. IM JUST SOO FALLIN IN LUV WITH DRAMAS!!!! especially the korean ones <3

imma put a list of wat i like:

- Hana Yori Dango (japanese)
- Liar Game (japanese)
- Protect the Boss (korean)
- Binondo Girl (Filipino)
- Me Too, Flower! (Korean)
- Wild Romance (Korean)
- K POP The Ultimate Audition (Korean)
- Flower Boy Next Door (not finished) (Korean)
- God of Study (not finished)
-Delightful Girl Choon-Hyang (not finished)
- Hello my teacher
-her legend?
-Creating destiny?
-Dream sbs?
-five fingers?
-heartless city?
-hong gil dong?
-hooray for love?

UP TO J DRAMANET
imma be putting up more later, so i could come back to see the ones i just ABSOLUTELY LUV!  nothing, really happened today in school, yawn just tired see yah!

M.A.D. Club and others

OMG, MI DAY WUZ PRETTY GOOD TODAY.  Today wuz the M.A.D. club and it stood for music, anime, and drama! FINALLY, IM SOOO HAPPY DAT I COULD CRY...but bad news, imma have to give up on the United Nations program.  Larissa asked me if i could replace Shahana but i dont think i can anymore.  The U.N. and the M.A.D. club are on the same dayyy ;'( imma convince andrew if he could replace me.  and another semi bad and semi good news, MARI AND Hirra were there!!!!! also, ngoc, faith, shahana, lady, and the others <3 well, the kinda bad news is john was there.  i mean its not lik i hate him or anything but i just don't no how to act around him.  we used to be i guess close, but then we just lik became strangers...and also, i remember in one of mi converstions with him, i wuz so stupid, even though i kept on hitting or like playfightin with him, i didnt notice dat he wuz actually hurt.  u no, i'll just keep my distance.  its not like i can change mi personality, im afraid dat if we become close again, and personally i dont wanna hurt him physically and emotionally again. oh well, wat harm can be done?! im just gonna meet with him and the others for a day per week. so im just gonna be on friendly terms yet cautious ok? IKE IKE GO GO, IKE IKE YES YES! man, i love dat cheer.  i decided to do all three cuz i like all of them <3 oh nah, but his friend is funni though, i found it funni when he said hentai, and then playfully threw a tanthrum xDD.  and yeh! mark is gonna join! yessssshhhhhhh, i get to get back at him hehehhehehe also, we'll get to do fun stuff every week, I SO CANT WAIT! eheh, i lost mi I.D. sighhhh again.  no, but nxt time imma put it in mi wallet! tell me ngoc found it on the librari table after i spent  $3 on a new one, UGHHHHH. DO U NOW HOW MUCH CHIPS I COULD BUY WIT DAT $ ARGGGGGGG.  i dont no y but sometimes nowadays i feel so tired, DAMNNNNN I NEED TO START SLEEPIN EARLY. oh yeh, imm soo happi but i got a trophy for bowling and I REACHED MI GOAL OF 100 POINTS! AWWWW YAHHHHHH!!! and then we had a pizza party and took soooo many pics and well dat's it! SEEE YAH!!!

Aunt visiting

uwahhhh!!! im sooo tired. and blast! mi mother made me clean the kitchen not i keep on sneezing..;'( mi mom wanted us to clean up the apartment so that it would "impress" my auntie Juliana.  also, she bought all these fancy stuff for like bathrooms...geez she told me she wants to look rich.  yep, ther fancy but kinda useless...oh well.  right now, im watchin tis korean drama called Wild Romance. its soooo FUNNI AT THE BEGINNING, but now its so sad.  the main character who i thought wuz a conceited jerk, actually a sad past...i wuz totally cryin. right now, im supposed to be doin mi hw, but i feel lazy. oh welll, wat ev.  ITS SO BORING!!!!! man, if it wasn't for the work, i would totally luv clinton. welll ja-neh! hehehhehe peace!

quick summary and what happend today ;)

                      hehehehehe, im soooo happyy!!!! tell me how i wuz reading through one of mi old diaries and i just kept on laughing.  oh yeh, even though im lik a day l8t HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!!! nah, but im kinda dissappointed tis yr, tita josophine made a dinner dat wuz iight.  the only thing i actually liked wuz her ham with pinapples.  I WUZ SOOOO JEALOUS WHEN I SAW MI AUNTIE LOIDA'S DINNER!!! she had gravy, mashed potatoes, rice and cheese cupcakes, turkey and A LOT MORE.  dang it, so when her dinner is great, wer not ther! oh yeh, heh its been a loong time since i typed or wrote mi feelings lik tis. so i'll back track a summary, i used to be weak, a coward, a gullible idiot who would believ any stupid thing.  mi so-called friends would make fun of me, mi clothes all the way to mi breath.  i wuz accused never wuz i believed by anyone.  SO to put it short, a dumbass but smart and hardworkin in academics.  now, i'm still similar. LOL, still hav a noncaring fashion sense, but a straightforward secretive idiot acting tall laidback highschooler.  i don't carelessly give away mi secrets to anyone lik b4 hah!  i dont treat kianna like the freaking queen of the world, the top girl.  in fact, i barely even tlk to her anymor.  a pity, that christel, kathleen still treat her as she's all dat.  well, i gotta admit~she did get nicer.  but too late.  i split from their clinque since the middle of 8th grade.  i got sick of the b.s. and made other friends. now im in clinton, WHICH IS SUCH AN AWESOME SCHOOL!!!!!! i swear mi classmates are soo entertainin, imma try not to get mad, lmao, still cant whisper, and direct to the point and DRAMATIC <3 .  oh yeh, i found friends who treat me right and are just too HILARIOUS. Ngoc- lik the old me but is liked by everyone, LOTS OF ADMIRERS, never bullied, LUVS KOREAN DRAMAS<3 from wat i no.  Faith-lol, dirtyminded, casual, well-liked, mi fake mother, and she influenced me, and YEH LUVS ANIME, and is currently in love with her sempai Rising, i no wierd name, and they LOVE EACH OTHER, but he busy so no relationship. sadly... Adelaide- nickname-Addy, THER FINALLY I SPELLED IT RIGHT cuz i would always spell it as Ade,  sweet, nice, compares herself to others, maybe a lil judgemental, pretty, EASILY FALLS IN LOVE WITH GUYS especially the cute guyanese and bengali types, has a hurtful mysterious past which haunts her but i dont wanna pry into it, cuz im also doing the same thing, seems to be cautious towards her friends,acquatences in her church, and heh short but curvy. oh yeh, i dated azizar, well im not sure if i could really could count dat as a relationship, CUZ first he said, it wuz just a fling, and second, he never told me he loved me, third, we never asked each other out.  it does kinda piss me off when he called it a fling after these two years in highschool of not seeing him cuz it took me all mi courage to confess mi luv to him especially when i didnt believ in love, but hey i shouldn't be talking. i dumped him in like two days cuz first, i had a crush on someone els, two it would be logical cuz it wuz 8th grade and i dont want him to be tied down to me and it would easier for us to seperate if we didnt hav dat much memories, and four, because of mi mother and five, he had a wife, i dont want them to seperate especially since his wife deeply loved him and six, he said he wuz a player and i hate dating players cuz they troublesome.  ever since we "split", i had stopped liking him but feel cautious and guilty and nervous cuz i hurt him from mi perspective.  also, wierdly, i havent liked anyone for these past two years, not a single crush even though ther were many cute guys but just not as interesting at crush level.  but at least keepin mi promise with mi mom to not get a boyfriend in highschool has been easy.  I HATE BREAKING PROMISES. oh yeh, i guess i dont feel guilty and nervous around him anymore! he wasnt sad or angry, in fact from what mi friends said, he stared at Ngoc, and said that she was prettier <3 and he then wuz hitting on Addy through fb from what she told me;) so basically i wuz worryin for nothin!  also, i wuz hangin out with Addy in manhattan chinatown, and we had bubble tea, i had the lychee milk tea in chatime, and we ate a dish together, talkin about her ex-crush who'S a masochist and got dumped by his asian gf and HAS AN OBSSESION BOUT ASIAN which is kinda creepy and flattering.  and how he tryin to win her back after using her.  DAT IDIOT CALLED ME CUTE EVEN AFTER I RUINED HIM, WAT A DUMB IDIOT.  oh yeh, and then we just walked everywher to sightsee and we came across a shop where all bout spirituality and gems and amulets.  when we walked in, there wuz so many pretty stuff but one soon caught mi eye.  its wierd but its lik it wuz calling out to me?  it certainly wasn't eye-catchin, it wuz just a black small tusk on a chain necklace.  it wasn't even the type of necklace i would wear or lik to wear but i just kept on getting a weird feelin from it as if I HAVE TO BUY IT. it wasnt even dat cute, just plain black color....so i asked Addy if she could buy it, idk if im goin crazy but it wuz just so wierd dat the feeling wuz still there and grew stronger when i wore it?  and at the subway when Ade swiped her metrocard , on the black screen, i think i was lik a foreign language lik korean or somethin in green.  OK , DATS IT, IM CRAZY. mayb i wuz just seeing things, idk.  its just really confusing....why out of all the necklaces did that exact necklace attract mi interest and give me tis strange feeling???  i dont even wear stuff lik it! geez, is tis lik dayjavu?  idk. well see yah!