Well, I just have to say that well new year's is coming up so I'm thinking I might as well put here all or at least try to put the things I remember here before next year or hmmm, mayb i should just make a future letter to myself. I mean I haven't done that in a very LONG TIME. As usual, I apologize...cry.
Well, I just have to say a lot has come through as this year went by. Many of the friends that I knew in highschool I actually no longer keep in contact with; unfortunately, well I mean it's to be expected though. A lot of the friends that I thought we were close or at least close decently ended up being strayed away from me. Well, I guess life just happens. I mean I also notice that I've pretty matured in this one semester also. Even though many people are all about trying to be the life of the party, though I still care a bit, I'm not really like that anymore. Now I'm just like going with the flow and like less hyper and happy-go=lucky as before. I guess I just feel like that's not really me or maybe it was just not really my mood. But it could be the first one though cuz it tends to occur often. I feel as though that's acting way beyond me and I don't really feel like doing that. Hmmm, what else; well I actually notice that I really like learning in college lik damn lol! I think that's probably like the highlight of my semester; I've never been so into learning as I choose what I'm interested in and I'm pretty proud of it. Lol, surprisingly, its mostly me who feels this; most people I've met are more like slacking off or like they don't really the learning part. But I don't know why; I feel so amazing hearing so many different things just through college! Furthermore, I'm more into those intellectual conversations a lot more! Even though there are many times where I feel like I don't know what they are talking about, I feel pretty curious when it comes to discussing deep concepts and im pretty into it especially when I question and we discuss our opinions. I'm really enjoying that. The many things that I used to do in the past, I don't think I really do them anymore or at least I feel like I changed. Well, I mean it makes sense, time does make you change. It's either that or maybe I'm just more in touch with who I am lol. lol, I'm not really like an out-there sociable person I think so unless we really click. Oh yeah, there are people who I actually dislike in college! Well, even though they are like total strangers, I figured out I really don't like judgmental people. Like I understand if we are different, but don't scorn me or like look down on me for doing so like geez. But oh well, I have no interest in being friends with people like that. Sadly, I also noticed that when I came back from college, I'm not really the same with the friends who I felt awesome with during high school. Like my friends would expect me to have innovative ideas on the spot or being like the creative ideas person or the risktaker, but honestly, I didn't really have any ideas like that. It was more like I mellowed out and just went with the flow like water. Like when my friend was going on enthusiatically about romance endeavors, I honestly thought it was pretty childish and I tended to have like zero interest. Also, when I met up with another friend who I tended to play-argue with, when we "argueed" I was just like "oh whatever," Yeah, I feel like I've changed. But, I'm not really complaining about it though; I'm pretty satisfied with who I am right now. It's more like I just want to keep learning and talking about deep topics. It makes my blood flow and gets me interested. When I was talking to my friend about a serious suject, my other friend would just laugh and say something like we were nerds and talking about wierd topics. But honestly, even though maybe I might have thought that before cuz we were very similar before, I was actually pretty into it and I wouldn't mind continuing to talk about the subject. Lol, I guess, I'm more into deep topics than more into like common things. lol, Idk but that's what I think. People might think that's pretty boring or something but oh well, that's makes me more interested. I'm more interested in rational conversations. Well, I still like talking about hobbies and interests but the deep stuff is the best! Oh yeah, I also realized that with my mellowing out, I'm not really into like giving like detailed funny stories of my life as before. I mean I would give stories of my life but I wouldn't really make them funny. I would just say them straight out.
Oh yeah, well leemme make a nother paragraph cuz this is just too damn long lmaoo. well, I mean I noticed that I can talk to people first easily but the problem was just continueing the relationship though. I mean one, I don't really have time and two, when I do, I feel like its way too late. But, I mean, I think im getting better at that cuz before I wouldn't really invite people to hang out or talk to me, but now, I just do cuz I'm like what's the point in waiting? If I want to, then I should just do it. Maybe it was like my pride that prevented me before cuz I never did it; it was usually the others. But it doesn't work like that in college; especially from what I learnt, you have to try to continuing the friendship. Later on, if the person doesn't really reciprocate, then just find someone one else, that's what I think. Though I don't really like or at least apathetic about the majority of people I met during the semester, I know in time I'll find more friends who I can enjoy my time with. lol, well, I do like my professors a lot though; I guess its because I talk about serious deep things with them and that's what makes me feel enjoyed. Like I'm interested in talking to the professors more lmao. Well, I don't think its a bad thing but like I do want more friends at least close to my age lol.
Sadly, I think I'm becoming a little judgmental now sadly. I'm trying to stay from that though; cuz my way of thinking is like: if I am judgmental towards others, then they will be judgmental towards me. like i don't want a cycle to happen. and besides like the saying goes: birds of the same feather flock together. If I am a judgmental person, I will attract judgmental people. I don't want to be judgmental at all and what I'm thinking is: if we are all judgmental, there will come times where we will be judgmental towards each other. I really don't want that type of friendship. I want friendships that understand me and lemme have fun and give me new wonderful experiences and like I feel like I can be myself lol. I want friends for life lol!
Oh yeah, btw, I might or maybe I might go into the creative fields lol. I don't know but now, that I think about it, I think I like designing to create something lol. I don't know but maybe I like that lol. I might not want to be an engineer lol but I'm giving it one more shot with this semester cuz now we're actually gonna build something as a class project lol. But, I'm exploring another field: its an acting class. Well the ironic thing is that I'm not really going to see if I want to be an actor but its more like I might want to be like a playwright or like a screenwriter lol. Well, the first time I took a career possiblity exam, that's what it told me lol. Ironically, the second time I took it, it didn't say that lol. But oh well, let's see what happens lol. Hmm, but yeah, for some reason, I like to design things so hmm I might be that lol, oh well let's see lol. Only time will tell... But seriously though, I hope my discovered major is something that I love and I could be good/excellent financially. I mean I don't want to hate my job but like I don't wanna be like a starving artist like geez.
Well, let me just add some new things; I guess advice to my future self lol
Hey, you! Yeah, you reading this! I wish you a happy new year and I hope you the best to have utmost fun, new wonderful experiences, and the best success you will have!!! Take care of yourself, and be yourself!!! Don't be afraid to do things and go chase after opportunities! Keep up to your work, but still have fun!!! Stay strong, I know you're smart and can do anything you put your mind to! Even if there are times where you doubt yourself, just breath and look at yourself! YOU CAN DO THIS!!! Don't let people bring you down ESPECIALLY THOSE JUDGMENTAL PEOPLE! Don't be afraid to be yourself! Just breathe, and plan and believe in yourself! You got this! Things will turn out fine as you go with the flow! Also, don't be scared; even if you are not sure of what will happen in the future, things will turn out just fine lol! Don't beat yourself up and enjoy the ride loser!!! lmao There are many times where you will feel beat down, but from there, just look at yourself. Look at yourself, pick yourself up and conqueer (well not conqueer, but like BECOME HAPPY AND SUCCESSFUL AND AN AWESOME PERSON IN GENERAL LOL)!!!!! Hmmmm, is there any other advice I got? lol, nah, CUZ I KNOW YOU GOT THIS!!!!! HAVE FUN AND WORK HARD!!!!!! AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST
